Thank you for the shout out and it is so true about the two extremes with the way parenting is portrayed. I do appreciate when people are honest about the tough parts (but can appreciate too much emphasis on the difficult stuff can be a problem too).
I’d lay down after lunch and nurse the baby while the other children lay behind me, looking over my shoulder at the pictures. I’d put the baby in his crib and we’d finish story time with them snuggled up on both sides, each covered with their own blankie so I could get out without waking them. They’d choose and save books throughout the day— I couldn’t read just any old time, but story time ~would~ come, and they learned to be thoughtful with their choices, giving me the most important first because we all knew I’d fall asleep before they would.
Maybe that's what we need more of--stories that combine the two perspectives. That parenting can suck and be wonderful at the same time. Showing only one side is not only inaccurate, it sets people up for false expectations (in either direction).
Also, it's helpful to acknowledge that people do have very different parenting experiences. Yes, we all have awful days, but some people do seem to have an easier go of it (personality matches? naturally chill kids? genetic roll of the dice? pixie dust?) while others struggle every day. I know some of those who struggle still say, this is worth it. This is a good thing, and I continue to choose to be the best parent I can despite it all. And some who have it *easier* feel like giving up.
Thank you for bringing this up--I'd noticed the same thing that you had. It's helpful to be validated. ;) But yeah, a unified perspective is what I wish I'd had when I was in the throes of post-partum issues with my first baby. I think it would have given me more immediate hope in the moment and understand that the hard thing right now (usually) isn't forever.
This piece is so good, Amy! I savored every wonderful paragraph. Thanks for writing out all these deeply relatable thoughts. (And thanks for the shout-out too!)
Agreed! We seem to have lost the nuance between depicting parenting as easy, and being honest about how incredibly fun and rich and joyful it can be. Is anything in life that is truly wonderful ever easy? Is easy even what we're optimizing for? And there's also a difference between being honest about how tough it can be, and in some cases (like the newborn stage) how tough it almost necessarily always is, and being a martyr about it. It saddens me to think about how many people may end up opting out of parenting entirely because of the terrible rebrand it's gotten, and then miss out on something they might have enjoyed beyond words. But photos and small blurbs don't often lend themselves to truth and nuance and depth. Thanks for writing :).
What I've come to realize is that "Why aren't people talking about X" is a popular hook on social media. Often starts with a polarizing question, it reels the eyeballs in and it's performative, not a "real" question. I can't take them seriously anymore.
For me parenting is the chaos, the cuddles and that space in between - imperfect, chaotic, but overwhelmingly full of love.
Also, very early in I unfollowed almost every sleep account. I was sure of our decisions, but they still made me crazy. They niggled at me that maybe I *should* fix his sleep and do differently. I think I’ve dropped them all now.
Yes, Amy! I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how both things are always true with parenting. Joy one minute, misery the next, or even simultaneously. It’s wild. But the more I accept all these parts, rather than trying to shame myself over them, the easier things get ♥️
Thank you for the shout out and it is so true about the two extremes with the way parenting is portrayed. I do appreciate when people are honest about the tough parts (but can appreciate too much emphasis on the difficult stuff can be a problem too).
This is so good and true, Amy. I love your writing.
Always mamas! Never moms!
How did this happen? But so so true.
Right? I don’t love it, to be honest. Random women on the internet have no right to call me mama! 😂
Reading to children is so good. So, so good.
I’d lay down after lunch and nurse the baby while the other children lay behind me, looking over my shoulder at the pictures. I’d put the baby in his crib and we’d finish story time with them snuggled up on both sides, each covered with their own blankie so I could get out without waking them. They’d choose and save books throughout the day— I couldn’t read just any old time, but story time ~would~ come, and they learned to be thoughtful with their choices, giving me the most important first because we all knew I’d fall asleep before they would.
Maybe that's what we need more of--stories that combine the two perspectives. That parenting can suck and be wonderful at the same time. Showing only one side is not only inaccurate, it sets people up for false expectations (in either direction).
Also, it's helpful to acknowledge that people do have very different parenting experiences. Yes, we all have awful days, but some people do seem to have an easier go of it (personality matches? naturally chill kids? genetic roll of the dice? pixie dust?) while others struggle every day. I know some of those who struggle still say, this is worth it. This is a good thing, and I continue to choose to be the best parent I can despite it all. And some who have it *easier* feel like giving up.
Thank you for bringing this up--I'd noticed the same thing that you had. It's helpful to be validated. ;) But yeah, a unified perspective is what I wish I'd had when I was in the throes of post-partum issues with my first baby. I think it would have given me more immediate hope in the moment and understand that the hard thing right now (usually) isn't forever.
This piece is so good, Amy! I savored every wonderful paragraph. Thanks for writing out all these deeply relatable thoughts. (And thanks for the shout-out too!)
You might like Coffee + Crumbs. They focus more on storytelling and less on the how to and the you should. They have a Substack.
Agreed! We seem to have lost the nuance between depicting parenting as easy, and being honest about how incredibly fun and rich and joyful it can be. Is anything in life that is truly wonderful ever easy? Is easy even what we're optimizing for? And there's also a difference between being honest about how tough it can be, and in some cases (like the newborn stage) how tough it almost necessarily always is, and being a martyr about it. It saddens me to think about how many people may end up opting out of parenting entirely because of the terrible rebrand it's gotten, and then miss out on something they might have enjoyed beyond words. But photos and small blurbs don't often lend themselves to truth and nuance and depth. Thanks for writing :).
What I've come to realize is that "Why aren't people talking about X" is a popular hook on social media. Often starts with a polarizing question, it reels the eyeballs in and it's performative, not a "real" question. I can't take them seriously anymore.
For me parenting is the chaos, the cuddles and that space in between - imperfect, chaotic, but overwhelmingly full of love.
Great read, very much enjoyed it.
Thanks for the shoutout, Amy! Always love when your parenting stories land in my inbox.
Keep reading and reading and re-reading! :)
Also, very early in I unfollowed almost every sleep account. I was sure of our decisions, but they still made me crazy. They niggled at me that maybe I *should* fix his sleep and do differently. I think I’ve dropped them all now.
Yes, Amy! I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how both things are always true with parenting. Joy one minute, misery the next, or even simultaneously. It’s wild. But the more I accept all these parts, rather than trying to shame myself over them, the easier things get ♥️