Why I Am Campaigning for Charles Ingalls (As Played by Michael Landon) in 2026

Pretty much every politician is bad now, so I am stumping for a heavily whitewashed sorta-fictional character.

Jun 28, 2026

Let’s face it, my fellow Americans — we’re living in some CRAZY times. “UFC fight on the White House lawn” ought to be an Onion headline, and yet. Buzz has already begun developing for the 2028 election, and it's not too early to bring in a fresh option. We need a presidential candidate who will guide us through the next few years of screaming unknown with a sense of humor, a twinkling eye, and a penchant for saving the day. Whether it be facing down a hailstorm of grasshoppers or building a three-story pole barn just with the sweat of his hands, there’s one man who has proved his ability to fearlessly lead our country. Folks, I give you Charles Ingalls. The fictionalized version in the 1970s TV. show, that is. Not the real guy. Beards are not electable anymore.

Some of you may argue that the last thing we need is yet another white dude running for president. And I get that! America gets that! Not enough to make any significant changes, of course, but let me just assure you that Charles Ingalls is not your average out-of-touch middle-class white guy. Charles is so woke, he’s aware of social issues before his neighbors even realized they existed. Who else would have so skillfully handled teen pregnancy, disability advocacy, or the opioid crisis in the rural 19th-century West?

As with a rip-snorting kettle of rattlesnake stew, there are so many ingredients that go into making a good candidate. A good candidate must be an opportunist. For instance, Charles Ingalls seizes any and every opportunity to take his shirt off for no reason. Take that, Justin Trudeau. And Justin Timberlake. And Justin Bieber.

A good candidate makes sure his voters are informed. And Charles is all about making sure his constituents are informed! Since he understands the importance of the dramatic pause to allow for ominous music, he’ll even go a step beyond all those others and give us hints about what’s going to happen ahead of time. (It’s called foreshadowing.)

A good candidate sympathizes with his constituents’ problems. Charles Ingalls understands all about working through hardship and injury. Sure, FDR ran the country from a wheelchair. But Charles has thrown his back out approximately 6723 times while doing farm labor, railroad work, wagon repair, and fighting off bullies. He knows how to handle getting hurt! FDR would have been way more successful if he took his shirt off for every injury. Just sayin’.

Speaking of shirtlessness (just want to make sure we don’t gloss over that; he will take his shirt off at ANY opportunity), we really should address the elephant in the room: Charles Ingalls’ good looks. Yes, yes, we know a true-blooded American won’t simply vote for the handsomest man on the ticket. But let’s be real: there’s a reason Warren G. Harding and Jack Kennedy got elected, right? And neither of them had a Samson mane of curly hair. The 70’s are back in a BIG way.

…The 1870’s, of course. Obviously.

Ingalls will match those good looks with fierce integrity, too. He’ll bring an honest-Abe-like spirit to this position that will dramatically stage-punch any suspicion of collusion or special interests right to the floor of the G-rated Wild West saloon.

I’m telling you, it’s hard to over-sell this guy.

Charles Ingalls will speak up for the laborer, the minority, and the underdog. That’s what we need in a leader! He’ll have your back even if you only show up in one episode out of a 10-season run, go through all the motions of a heartbreaking story, and then disappear into the mists of the California foothills — I mean, Minnesota prairie.

There are so many voters who would love to see a candidate who’s devoted to their family. Not in the way that they’d consider dating their own daughter, you understand (ew! get some help!) but the kind of person who would adopt 30 different kids in need after his own grow up and move on to their own lives. It’s not a publicity stunt and it’s definitely not to maintain interest in a show that gets its ratings off cute children! How dare you.

And of course, there are always bonus features — a president who can pull a few party tricks is a president who can look good on TV. (Well, we already know he looks good on TV…) But showcasing some musical appreciation never hurt anybody. Bill Clinton may have jazzed up the sax, but Charles Ingalls can fake his way through countless toe-tapping fiddle tunes while not even holding the instrument correctly! Can you say TALENT?

I hope you’ve considered these points as deeply as the producers of Little House on the Prairie considered killing off less lucrative characters, and thought long and hard about the good you could do your country by voting Ingalls 2028. We’ve saved the best for last…

By dint of dying long before email was invented, Charles Ingalls does not appear anywhere in the Epstein files. And these days, isn’t that enough?

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